Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
