remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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