the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
