Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
