it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
