I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
