Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
