Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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