watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
