I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
