Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
