i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
