It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
