11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
