She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
