I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I will be naked everywhere
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
