I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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