i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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