Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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