i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
