NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
