I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
