I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
