I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
