Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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