final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
