Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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