My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
