Swine flu is the new snow day.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
