you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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