Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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