Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
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you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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