Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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