How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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