I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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