Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just invented taco cereal.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
