Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
ok first of all what the fuck
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
