Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
