For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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