apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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