i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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