I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
