Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
