You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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