Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
