In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
