It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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