Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
