I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
