dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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