is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
