During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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