He asked to "fluff my boner.."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
