i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
