Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How's work?
Spinning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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