Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
