I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
