I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
