if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do vagina's smell?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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