I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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