There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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