"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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