Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She needs sedatives and a leash
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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