3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
