Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
