i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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