she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
