actually, I'm a sock model
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
