i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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