so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
