someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
