You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
