Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Banned from zoo.
Again?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
