I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
